How do you handle change? (Response to a previous blog question)

As one witty respondent answered the question: constantly.  But seriously, with all the change we're experiencing it's a very good question.  What do we know about change beyond the surface experience? Sometimes when change happens it feels like that other saying… Sh*t happens!  Which implies there's little that we can do about it.  Which might be true, but doesn't help much with the feelings we're experiencing.  Despite the sense that change happens quickly there's always an underlying process involved.  Even when change is experienced as a group, we always feel the impact personally. The impact of change is easily dismissed because much of the hurt, stress or loss, is largely an internal event that only we are aware of experiencing.  Even change that we choose, as one contributor noted, can be difficult and stressful.

Change is a process.  Which means it takes time for new events to unfold.  If, for instance, you've just broken up with the love of your life… it's going to take some time to sort things out.  To suggest that you just "get over it" is first of all a denial of your feelings, and second a failure to fully appreciate the meaning of change.

In the simplest terms, change is the word we use to describe the perceived difference between what was, and now, what is.  But if we look a little deeper we'll see that our perception and the word are really the awareness of actions and the consequences of those actions.  One of the reasons change evokes emotion is we're reacting to the very real consequences of an action.  A break-up signals the difference between being together and being apart (what was and what is).  But the emotional response arises from the memories of what was and the meaning we assign to the current state of what is i.e. we'll never see another movie together, share a meal etc.

How do you handle change?  First, by honoring your feelings.  Second, by realizing that change is a process that takes time for things to settle and new events to unfold.  Third, recognize that to change is to learn.  In our example, you could learn how to live without the love of your life, or you could learn what it would take to bring that person back into your life.  Just remember that learning isn't an instantaneous event either.  So whether you make a change or life serves up the change, the lesson is always in the opportunity to learn something more about yourself.