So how does change impact us?  What I've been attempting to do so far is give you some insight into the processes of your internal operating system.  How your sensory perceptions are converted to thoughts and stored as beliefs, feelings, assumptions, memories, etc.  All these different thoughts are formed from your experiences and then used by your internal operating system to interpret new events as they arise.  The whole process is so natural that you don't even give it a second thought.  When we perceive change we are usually dealing with something new or different from our previous experience.  Since the internal operating system doesn't have any direct experience to draw on, it attempts to interpret--or essentially fabricates--a meaning(s) for the new event.  The case study/exercise that follows points to this process and is designed to help you see how your own internal operating system interprets the event.


S:  What we're going to do now is see how our beliefs, thoughts and emotions come into play in a case study where we actually experience change.

Case Study

Exercise:  Part One
In this exercise we're going to take a hypothetical scenario involving change and see if we can capture as many of the thoughts and feelings this scenario might create.  As in previous exercises you'll need to make the scenario as real for yourself as possible.  Try to imagine how you would feel under these circumstances.

We're going to pair up for this exercise allowing you to collaborate with a partner.  Because your feelings may be easier to grasp, discuss with your partner your initial reactions.  Record these feelings by writing them on a sheet of paper.  Once recorded, see if you can determine the thoughts that produced your initial feelings.

Scenario: It's Tuesday afternoon, your boss has just informed you that the deadline for the project you've been working on--previously due in 3 weeks--has been moved up to this Friday by 5 o'clock.  Your initial reaction is complete shock.  The project is coming along, but even if you could work on it 24 hours a day there's no way you could finish by Friday.  You stammer as you try to convey your thoughts of impossibility to the boss.  But she cuts you off; the decision has been made.  As you turn to leave, she adds one more caveat, if you can't meet the deadline it could mean losing your job.

S:  With your partner discuss your reaction to this scenario.  Make a list of your emotional responses and then see if you can record the thoughts behind your emotions.

Whole Group Discussion

Q:  What were your initial feelings? 

Q:  Were you able to identify the thoughts underlying your emotions? 

Example: Feeling--anger  Thought--I'm in a no win situation here.

Here is a partial list of feelings and thoughts one might experience in this scenario:

    Feelings                             Thoughts 

Denial / Disbelief                    I don't believe what I'm hearing, this can't be!

Uncertainty/ Doubt                  How am I going to complete the project?

Anger                                       I'm in a no win situation here, someone wants my job!
                                                 There's no way I can complete this project by Friday.

Bargaining                             Maybe I can get more time, if I promise to…

Stress / Fear                         I could lose my job if I can't deliver, how will I pay my bills?

Indecision                              What am I going to do, what parts of the project can be
                                                 scrapped?  Should I work all night?

Tired / Depressed              This will never work; what's the point? I'm doomed!


Exercise: Part Two
In the first scenario we experienced a change.  In addition there were further consequences alluded to if we couldn't meet the deadline--specifically, losing our job.  In the second part of this exercise we're going to realize our worst fears throwing us into even more turmoil.  As before you need to really put yourselves into the situation--recording again with your partner, your reactions in terms of what you're thinking and feeling.  Here's the scenario.

Scenario: The end of the week arrives, it's late Friday afternoon.  You've done everything within your ability to complete the project.  You worked late at the office on three nights.  The family's upset because they've barely seen you in three days.  You couldn't shut your mind off, so you haven't slept well since Tuesday when all this insanity began.  You're feeling agitated and angry.  Major pieces of the project had to be scrapped because there simply wasn't time to include them.  Your boss has taken what you turned in and is meeting with her superiors to review it.  You see her coming out of the conference room, heading for your desk.  The look on her face is pale and drawn.  She begins by complimenting you on what you finished.
However, the project is so grossly incomplete that they feel they have no other choice but to terminate you, effective immediately.

S:  With your partner I want you to discuss your reactions to these new events i.e. how are you feeling?  What's going through your mind?  Make a list of any new emotions you're feeling and try to identify the thoughts prompting your feelings. 

Whole Group Discussion

Q:  Did the change in the second scenario have more impact than the first change?
      Why?

A:  Yes, The consequence of losing one's job has a significantly expanded impact on us and on those who depend on our support.  There are a number of significant changes to deal with but a central factor is money.

S:  Again, let's record on the board your reactions--what you were feeling and what thoughts were prompting those feelings.

Here is a partial list of feelings and thoughts one might experience in this scenario:

Feelings                Thoughts

Anger                      This is unfair! I'm being treated unjustly!                                

Grief                        What am I going to do?  Things won't be the same.
                                 I'll never find or have a better job.

Fear                         What if I can't find another job, what if I have to take less
                                  money?
               
Loss of Identity             Who am I, now that I'm not a (job title).

Loss of Income             How am I going to pay the mortgage?
                                         How can we cut back on expenses?

Loss of Social Contacts        I won't be bowling with the guys from work anymore.

Depression                I've failed at my job, I've failed my family, I've failed myself.

Low Self-Worth / Doubt            If only I'd gotten on that project sooner!

S:  We could have used a less dramatic example in the second scenario.  Is this a situation likely to happen in real life?  Probably not.  But the point was to create vivid feelings--to realize how change impacts us internally.  The reason we have such difficulty with change is it disrupts our sense of knowing.  When we get into a routine we have certain expectations about how life is going--about what's going to happen, where we'll be, and with whom.


Note to reader: Thanks for reading! The next segment (No. 9) will continue the discussion of how change impacts us... look for it in the next few days.  I'm interested in your feedback and invite you to share your thoughts or any questions you may have..

Copyright 2008.  The information here is reproduced from Everything Changes! Understanding and Dealing with the Change in our Lives.  It is provided for your personal use.  The material may not be reproduced, copied or used in any other way without written permission from the author, Dan Richardson.

In this segment we're going to wrap up the introduction to our internal operating system and the reactions it has to perceived change.  Viewing the internal operating system from an objective standpoint allows for a glimpse of the impact change has on our thoughts and emotions.  As we'll discuss it's important to understand that our reactions to change produce very real physical and mental consequences.  By objectifying the process it might seem easy to fix, but our automatic reactions to change are more deeply rooted than we imagine.  Understanding how change impacts us is directly linked to the functioning of the internal operating system.  For that reason, part three is devoted entirely to exploring this key system in greater detail.


The reason we have such difficulty with change is it disrupts our sense of knowing.  When we get into a routine we have certain expectations about how life is going--about what's going to happen, where we'll be, and with whom.  Change often appears to happen overnight.  Sometimes that's true, but most times it's not.  In any event, it serves as a disruption to the expectations formed by our internal operating system.

S:  The psychological trauma of such an event might be the physical equivalent of getting hit by a car, but the pain of psychological trauma doesn't present like a broken arm or leg.  When people see we have a physical injury we're likely to receive some acknowledgement.  It's more difficult for others to sympathize with our psychological pain because it's less visible and we tend to keep it locked up inside.

S:  Ok, using the exercise we just completed (see blog No. 8) as an example let's see how change impacts us.  There are two important ways in which our internal operating system represented by our thoughts and feelings allows change to impact us.
   
First, every feeling we listed imparts it's own form of stress.  Being stressed can cause any number of physical problems.  Stress lowers the body's natural immune system.  Lower immunity means greater susceptibility to illness--colds, flu and other communicable diseases.  Stress can contribute to general aches and pains, headaches and muscle tension.  Stress may result in overeating and may be a contributing factor to weight gain.  Stress can contribute to insomnia.  A study from a few years ago suggested that 72% of all visits to the doctor's office were stress related.  So changes in our environment create thoughts that trigger emotions and produce stress.  Stress eventually leads to a deteriorating sense of well-being--impacting both our mental and physical health.

The other way that our internal operating system allows change to impact us is through the effect on our actions.  We've shown there's a mind/body connection.  What the mind thinks, the body feels.  And what the body feels can also trigger the mind to further reactions.  We may feel irritable, easily agitated, prone to outbursts or temper tantrums--overreacting to conditions or input from others.  We might experience moodiness or feel depressed.  We may fail to take action where appropriate.  Or we may take actions that are inappropriate causing harm to ourselves and others.   
 
Q:  How strong and positive do you feel about yourself when you're experiencing the feelings listed above?

S:  Remember that our thoughts and feelings are actions that create effects that create still more effects, in a continuous cycle.

Q:  If you're feeling uncertain, a little depressed and deflated, how are you likely to act?

A:  Uncertain, depressed and deflated.  Because what we think and feel are the forces driving our actions.

Key Concept: The real impact of change is the effect it has on the thoughts and emotions produced by our internal operating system.


Internal Operating System Summary

S:  We chose to open the discussion of our internal operating system with an exploration of our thoughts expressed as beliefs.  What we wanted to reveal through the exercises was the way in which our internal operating system uses our beliefs to interact with our surroundings.  We discovered that we have lots of thoughts often expressed as beliefs covering a wide range of topics.  And that almost all of these thoughts or beliefs have come from external sources as sensory information that we've distilled and filtered.  We discovered that accessing our beliefs is easiest when we have a context.  We also uncovered a link between the things we do--the way we act--and the underlying thoughts and beliefs that prompt those actions.  Finally, we showed how thoughts are the underlying action in the production of emotions.  And, in this regard, that it's often easier to use our feelings to work our way back to what we're thinking.

S:  In this section we also addressed how the perception of change causes our internal operating system to react to the events in our outer environment.  Our initial reaction is formed by thoughts expressed as beliefs, ideas, assumptions, opinions or memories.  Some of these thoughts will give rise to emotions, which are felt in the body.  This shows how change that is initially a mental perception can result in stress and other physical ailments in the body.  And, we discussed how what we think and feel has an influence on how we act.  Our internal operating system continuously interacts with our environment to drive our actions.

In part three we'll have an opportunity to extend our awareness of the internal operating system processes and look at how that can play an important role in easing the change experience.

Internal Operating System
Basic Functioning (Recap)

1.  The senses collect data from external sources.  Giving rise to thoughts expressed as beliefs, ideas, assumptions, opinions, memories, etc.  These thoughts are then stored by our internal operating system.

2.  The internal operating system enables us to interact with our surroundings by retrieving the data it has previously stored in memory.

3.  The nature of the conditions and the surroundings provides a context for accessing our thoughts and these thoughts in turn become the impetus for further action.


Q:  Ok, so how is everyone feeling about this introduction to our internal operating system?  Is it making some sense?

S:  If you're not feeling totally comfortable at this point don't worry.  Any new information takes time to become part of our internal operating system.  Until that happens it's natural to experience some feelings of hesitation or doubt.  What I'm showing you here reflects a change.  It’s information that perhaps you've not been exposed to before now.  We can use this experience to see the crux of the problem with all change.

Q:  For example, if you're feeling some hesitation or doubt right now, what thoughts are underlying your feelings?  Why do you think you feel the way you do?

A:  The chances are you don't have enough experience with this material to accept it, yet.  It's simply a matter of needing more time and your own experiences to find validation for the concepts.

S:  The reason we don't change easily is because even to add new information to our internal operating system takes time.  I use the exercises as one way for you to apply your own awareness to the concepts.  This gives you a chance to see if what I'm saying is true for you, rather than just taking my word for it.  But it's still a learning process… and that's our next topic of discussion.


Note to reader: Thanks for reading!  Next time (Everything Changes No. 10) we'll draw a connection between the experience of change and learning, and why learning can sometimes be an impediment to change.  If you have questions or comments I'd love to hear them!

Copyright 2008.  The information here is reproduced from Everything Changes! Understanding and Dealing with the Change in our Lives.  It is provided for your personal use.  The material may not be reproduced, copied or used in any other way without written permission from the author, Dan Richardson.

We've all heard that learning is a life-long process.  Could that be because change is a life-long process?  Have you ever stopped to think that all change requires us to learn something?  Whether it's a change you've made or one you're required to make--some adjustment in your actions, routine or what you know happens as a result of change.  In this segment we'll discuss the relationship between learning and change.  In the process we may uncover another way that change can lead to feelings of discomfort.


Change Requires Learning

S:  When we say new information takes time to become a part of our internal operating system,  what we're describing is the learning process.

Q:  For example, why do kids seem to pick-up things so much faster than adults?

A:  Kids absorb new things easier because there's not a lot of information written on their internal operating system.  In other words, they don't have enough experience to doubt themselves.  They try new things because it never occurs to them they could fail.  They accept new ideas because they don't have any data in their operating system to suggest that ideas can be invalid.

S:  But as adults, we've learned, for example, you can't believe everything you hear!  Things are not always as they appear!  When someone says, 'try it, you'll like it.'  We may have tried it and didn't like it!  Or we know someone who tried it and didn't like it.  Isn't that true?  These experiences have taught us, in some cases, to be wary of accepting new ideas--or of trying new things.

S:  As adults we tend to have more experience to draw on.  Which means we can recall past experiences and use this former experience to evaluate new information or circumstances.  And while this is good in one sense, it can also serve as a barrier to new learning.

S:  Just as we have seen in our own example, any kind of change is likely to demand new learning.  So the question becomes how can we temper our previous experience and allow new learning to take place?

Q:  Can you think of some things you've learned as an adult?  Someone give us an example.

Q:  What do you think was the biggest factor helping you to learn? (whatever you learned)

A:  One answer might be: you wanted to learn it.  You were motivated.  It was your choice.

Q:  Were you good at what you learned right away?  (Yes or No?)

A:  Yeah, learning invariably takes time, there's a process involved.  And it helps immensely if we are learning something that we chose--that we are internally motivated to learn.

S:  Our perception of change means we are being confronted with a new or different situation.  To move forward implies learning about this new situation.  However, change is frequently the result of events not of our choosing.  Under these conditions we become reluctant learners--not really motivated to change or move forward.

Q:  Why move forward?

A:  One answer might be it's the only healthy option open to us.  The alternative--not moving forward--undermines our health and well-being.  Remember, to change is to learn, and to learn is what causes forward movement.  But perhaps the best reason is from an expanded view: to move forward aligns us with the purpose of the universe. 

S:  Yet, none of these answers gets to the real reason that learning proves so difficult.

S:  As we mentioned above, learning new things involves a process--a period of time when we are trying to grasp a concept or develop a new skill.  We feel as though we're struggling--our experience is one of discomfort.  We are struggling to reach a place of outer competence, while dealing with a lack of inner confidence.  Unless we can tap into a source that resolves our struggle, we are not likely to endure the discomfort the learning process imparts.

Key Concept:  To change is to learn.  The action associated with the learning process opens the door to new possibilities.

S:  What triggers our perception of change is the awareness that an external event is somehow in conflict with our internal operating system.  It might involve a change to our routine, a new idea that runs contrary to our existing beliefs, or a new system that we know nothing about.  Yet, every one of these scenarios calls for learning something new.  We can partially ease the experience of change simply by recognizing that change requires learning.  Further, that most learning involves a period of struggle and produces a sense of discomfort.  Mitigating some of the discomfort may come from identifying a purpose that's strong enough to pull us through the ambiguous period.  If we can sustain ourselves through the learning process the reward is new competence, renewed self-confidence, and the sense that we're growing and moving forward.   


Summary:  How Change Impacts Us

S:  In this portion of the course we wanted to convey the understanding that our perception of change involves an interaction with our internal operating system.  For most of us, our awareness of the internal operating system extends only to a naturally occurring response to our outer environment.  Our internal operating system responds to the conditions it senses by recalling thoughts relevant to the circumstances.  We discovered, for instance, that calling up our beliefs often requires a context.  We learned that our actions are preceded by thoughts.  That thought can be seen as the original action that precedes all subsequent actions.  We demonstrated that even emotions are products of our thoughts.  We used a case study to show how our internal operating system reacts to change and produces emotions that with a little introspection can be traced back to our thoughts.  And went on to show how our thoughts result in a continuous cycle of inner and outer actions.   Finally, we looked at learning as an integral function of change, and how the struggle and discomfort in learning often limits the desire to change.  And yet, all new learning represents the doorway to new possibilities and the potential for further growth and development.


Note to reader: Thanks for reading!  This series of blogs begins with Everything Changes! Fundamental Principles of Change No.1.  In our next segment we start part three beginning with a more in-depth look at the internal operating system's conditioned response to change…look for it in the next few days.  As always I would be delighted to have you share your comments or ask any questions you may have.

Copyright 2008.  The information here is reproduced from Everything Changes! Understanding and Dealing with the Change in our Lives.  It is provided for personal use.  You are welcome to share it with your friends.  Otherwise the material may not be reproduced, copied or used in any other way without written permission from the author, Dan Richardson.

With this entry we embark on the third and final part of Everything Changes!  Here we'll become even more familiar with our internal operating system (IOS).  The first section of part three identifies four major reactions triggered by our internal operating system in the face of change.  These reactions are a complex and interconnected mix of thoughts and feelings beginning with the need for control, the impact of fear, the need to know, and the implied loss that every change creates.  These natural and fundamental barriers are the psychological foundation of our resistance to change.  A likely follow up question is what can we do about it?  First, it's important to recognize that change can't be eliminated--we all act and in the process create consequences.  Second, whether we chose to change or not, no one is exempt from the process.  So in the second portion of part three we turn our attention to methods for easing the experience of change.  This naturally involves learning to work with our internal operating system to 'upgrade' our reaction to external events.   But that comes later, first we need a better understanding of how our internal operating system currently responds to change…


Introduction

S:  One way to describe what we've learned so far: change is the perceived difference between what was and what is.  From our exercise in part one we learned that everything we do can be seen as actions.  And since all of existence operates under the same principals of cause and effect, there's really only one conclusion we can draw: nothing about us, or our existence, escapes change.

In part two we began exploring the effects of change on our internal operating system.  This is the system that synthesizes our sensory experiences into thought forms expressed as beliefs, ideas, assumptions, memories and emotions.  The rate at which we're experiencing change creates the sensory impression that everything around us is going faster, and indeed it may be.  We can witness this accelerated rate of change simply by observing recent history.  In the last 100 years, we've created more change than was accomplished in the preceding 1,000 years.  And the change that occurred in the preceding 1,000 years, was likely greater than all the change that occurred in 3,000 years before that.  In fact, over the 4.6 billion years of earth's history, science has shown that each phase of development has gotten progressively faster.  Which brings us to the point of this course; what can we do to ease the effects of change in our lives?

In part three we'll address this question by dividing the material into two sections.  Both sections focus on expanding our comprehension of how the internal operating system works.  In the first section we look at some common functions of our internal operating system and how it reacts to change.  In the second section we begin discussing ways to exert more control of our internal operating system with the added benefit of reducing some of the effects of change.  We should recognize that we can't eliminate change, nor would we want to.  Our perception of change is simply an early awareness of the process that drives the development and evolution of everything in the universe, and that includes humanity.


The Internal Operating System 

S:  Let's begin our discussion with a little further illumination of the internal operating system and why referring to it as such, is a pretty good metaphor for how it works.

Q:  Is everyone familiar with the operating system on a computer?  What is it?
    
A:  It's the basic programming or software that allows all the other hardware and software on a computer to work.  Without the operating system nothing else functions on the computer.

S:  This is pretty much true for us, too.  Without our internal operating system we wouldn't have the ability to absorb the information collected by our senses.  We couldn't convert that information into useable knowledge and store it for future interactions.  Just like a computer we can't function without an internal operating system.

Q:  Most of you use a computer, right?  So how often are you aware of what the operating software is doing when you're using the computer?

A:  Not very often.  The operating system runs in the background.  Its operations are mostly obscured from us.  It's functioning, but we're not aware of everything that it does.  Right? 

S:  Well, again, this is a pretty good description of how our internal operating system works also.  We're certainly aware of having thoughts, memories, and emotions, but until we started talking about how our operating system works in part two, it was largely obscured from us, too.  Would you agree?

S:  Ok, what I want to impress upon you is the complete and total dependence we have on our internal operating system.  It is the system that enables us to assimilate information, to think thoughts and feel emotions, to operate independently of others, to be self-aware, and to interact with the people and things in our environment.  It is the basic software that allows all our other capacities to function.

S:  Everything we discuss in part three is focused on learning more about our internal operating system.  Because the more we understand about this system the more control we have over our interaction with our surrounding environment.

Q:  There's one more analogy that I'd like to draw between our operating system and the operating system on a computer.  What can we do if we start having trouble with the operating system on a computer?

A:  Upgrade!  We simply buy a faster more powerful operating system and upgrade the old one.

Q:  What do you think, is it possible to upgrade our internal operating system?

A:  Absolutely.  Just by becoming more aware of how we interact with our environment we are making the functioning of our operating system more visible.  But that's not the only means of upgrading our system.  We have yet to recognize that our perception of change provides us with another means of upgrading our system.  Change presents a challenge to our internal operating system's view of the way things are.  When we change, new learning takes place, creating new thinking that produces new actions.  This expansion leads to more resources for addressing and solving the problems of living.

S:  It's important to understand our programming is a lot more complex than the system that runs a computer.  It takes time and practice to start becoming aware of how we're responding, and more time to develop and implement more productive responses.  But let me assure you it can be done, and it's the shortest, fastest route to upgrading your experience of virtually everything in life, including change.



Note to reader: Thanks for reading!  This series of blogs begins with Everything Changes! Fundamental Principles of Change No.1.  As always, I would be delighted to have you share your comments or ask any questions you may have.

Copyright 2008.  The information here is reproduced from Everything Changes! Understanding and Dealing with the Change in our Lives.  It is provided for personal use.  You are welcome to share it with your friends.  Otherwise the material may not be reproduced, copied or used in any other way without written permission from the author, Dan Richardson.

The need for control is a delicate topic.  Everyone needs a sense of control; in its absence our experience becomes chaotic.  This fundamental assumption can be applied to individuals, organizations, nations, and civilizations.  But if you had to give a gut level assessment of our living conditions today would you say things are more chaotic than ten or fifteen years ago?  If you're twenty years old it may be difficult to draw a meaningful contrast between now and when you were five, but for most of us 'senior' citizens it's a no-brainer.  Why?  One word: change.  Change naturally confronts our sense of control by imposing new or different conditions.  Whether you're 20, 30 or 50 dealing more effectively with change means expanding your awareness of the internal operating system's need for control...and that's the subject for today.


The Need for Control

S:  Primary to a feeling of sanity, of normalcy, of being ok, is the feeling that we're in control.  This sense of health and well-being is derived from our internal operating system's assessment of sensory input.

Q:  To evaluate our sense of control where do you think our internal operating system looks?

A:  It looks to our external surroundings.  We have a sense of being in control when our surrounding environment isn't posing any threats to us.

Q:  Can you think of a reason why this would be the case?

A:  Our general perception is that any threats to our health and well-being will come from something outside of us--from our surroundings.

Q:  At the very beginning of the course we talked about change being perceived as something that happens to us.  In terms of our need for control can you see why we think that?

A:  Sure, the kind of change that we find disruptive comes from a source outside of us.

S:  There's a good reason why we naturally look to our surroundings for our sense of control.  It's because our senses are directed to our surroundings.  When we listen aren't we usually focused on something in our external environment?  When we touch something isn't it usually external to us?  When we see, taste or smell aren't these sensory inputs related to our surroundings?  This is why we're primarily focused externally.

Q:  Are there some good reasons to be externally focused?

A:  Yeah, while our ancestors had more to fear from wild animals than we do.  There are still plenty of external threats to our safety.  For instance, if we drive our car into oncoming traffic, or try to cross a busy street without looking, our survival can certainly be threatened.

Q:  The question is can we realistically expect to always control our outer environment?

A:  No, we can't.  And isn't that the very problem we have with change, that it arises as an external threat and upsets our sense of control?

Q:  What's the natural reaction of our internal operating system to this situation?

A:  Our first reaction is attempting to regain control of the outer environment.  In the case of change this can often be seen and felt as resistance.  In attempting to regain a sense of control our internal operating system denies that it needs to change.

Key Concept:  Our sense of control is drawn from the internal operating system's sensory evaluations of the environment around us.

Exercise:
S:  We hardly think about being in control except when something unexpected happens and suddenly the circumstances leave us feeling vulnerable.

Instructions
With a partner discuss situations or circumstances you've experienced that have created a feeling of vulnerability or a lack of control.  On a piece of paper record six (6) experiences.

Group Discussion
Q:  What are some examples that you came up with?
    
Examples: Recent wildfires in southern California.  Anytime we're without money, or the means of making money (a job).  If we're use to having a cell phone, not having our phone might create a sense of vulnerability.  Any circumstances that yield other than expected results has the potential to produce a feeling of loss of control.

Instructions
In the second part of this exercise what I want you and your partner to do is write down how you responded to each of these circumstances. 

Group Discussion
Q:  What was your reaction to your experiences?
      Could your response be seen as attempting to regain control of your
       environment?

A:  Don't feel bad.  At present, we aren't programmed to respond any other way.

Q:  Is there a relationship between your experiences and change?

A:  Isn't it possible that all of your experiences could also be viewed as change.

S:  Ok, so the point of this exercise was to show us how unexpected experiences impact our sense of control.  And that the conditioned response of our internal operating system is to act in a way that will regain control over the environment.   Finally, since these unexpected experiences could also be seen as change it effectively demonstrates our reaction to change.  Does that make sense?  Are we in agreement?



Note to reader:  Thanks for reading!  In our next segment we're going to look at the impact that fear has anytime our sense of control is threatened...  As always, I would be delighted to have you share your comments or ask any questions you may have.

Copyright 2008.  The information here is reproduced from Everything Changes! Understanding and Dealing with the Change in our Lives.  It is provided for personal use.  You are welcome to share it with your friends.  Otherwise the material may not be reproduced, copied or used in any other way without written permission from the author, Dan Richardson.

Before we go any further I want to take a moment to hopefully crystallize the connection between each of us and the experience of change.  Anytime we perceive change an unknown is created.  Unknown means we don't know what happens next…our need to be in control is under attack!  We could think of it as a metaphorical door--what's beyond the door is unknown and every fiber in our body is silently screaming "don't walk through that door!"  Whether we realize it or not this is the essence of our resistance to change.  In this first section of part three I'm attempting to quantify the most common reactions that our internal operating system has to change.  What's difficult to translate about these reactions is they are so much a part of us that unless we look closely at ourselves we don't even notice this is our reaction.  We led off our discussion with the need for control, in most cases we don't even recognize the need for control until a change happens and our sense of control is threatened.  In this segment we talk about the impact of fear and how it affects our actions when triggered by change.  Here again, you may not even recognize this chain reaction--you may not think it's fear that is driving your reaction…but look closer.  The key concept here is the more we're able to understand about ourselves the better equipped we are to deal with change when it comes up…


The Impact of Fear

S:  Anytime our sense of control is threatened there is the possibility of experiencing fear.  Fear is another of our internal operating system's programmed responses to not being in control.  All fears originate as a fundamental desire for self-preservation.  Yet, we don't always recognize our fears as fear because fear wears many masks.  Skepticism is a mask we wear when we fear being fooled.  Anger is often not seen as fear, yet it masks underlying situations we fear.  It may be worth noting that anger while a projection of our fear, can promote a direct sense of fear in others.  Our attachment to knowing, masks our fear of the unknown.  Our need for control, masks a fear of not being in control.  Fear proves a formidable barrier to moving through any experience of change.  We should recognize that fear generated by our internal operating system plays a considerable role in our choice of interactions with our surrounding environment.

S:  It's also important to recognize that fear is a fundamental part of our make-up.  It's there to help insure our survival, to assist us in developing a healthy respect for danger.  All the bravado over trying to conquer fear isn't really productive, and may result in misplaced aggression targeted to oneself.  Extreme sports enthusiasts aren't conquering their fear; they're getting high on the adrenaline rush the body manufacturers when it senses danger.  When we see T-shirts emblazoned with "No Fear," we can be sure the wearer is in denial of his true feelings.  And yet, all this talk about fear suggests that we are becoming more aware of the feelings associated with it.

One of the keys to handling change more effectively is developing a better understanding of fear.  The first step is recognizing that fear is a product of our internal operating system.  Change can cause our internal operating system to trigger fear, but as we'll see our survival isn't always at stake.

Q:  What is fear?

A:  Fear is a powerful emotion created in response to our internal operating system's sensory impressions of our environmental conditions.

S:  Do you recall from our exercise in part two that we demonstrated emotions are the product of thoughts and that we can create emotions by thinking certain thoughts?

Exercise: Ok, I want you to think of something that scares you, in other words, create the emotion of fear.

Q:  What happens physically when you think about something that scares you?

Q:  Are you able to think clearly?  Does your heart beat faster?  Is your breathing restricted?  Do you feel a kind of paralysis?  What other symptoms are you aware of? 

Q:  Do you like these feelings? (Yes / No)  Why?

S:  What's important to notice here is we can create the very real experience of fear simply by manipulating our thoughts.  Our internal operating system triggers the release of adrenaline and a host of other chemicals into the bloodstream creating physical effects, whether the danger is real or not.  Do you see that?

Key Concept:  Fear is our internal operating system's reaction to anything that could be interpreted as a threat to self-preservation.  Our reaction is very similar whether the threat is real or imagined.

Q:  When you jump out of an airplane your mind triggers an adrenaline release even though you have a parachute.  When you bungee jump off a bridge you're pretty certain the cord is going to hold you, but you get a huge adrenaline rush anyway.  Why?

A:  Even though you wouldn't do it if you didn't think it was safe, your mind is playing 'what if' games--"what if this strap slips off my feet?  What if the chute doesn't open--hasn't this happened to other people resulting in their deaths?"  Our inner operating system of thoughts and emotions is working overtime trying to quantify the risk we're taking, and in the process creating fear.

S:  Now some to the things we've mentioned here have real elements of danger--jumping out of airplanes and bungee jumping to name a couple.  So it might be natural for us to feel fear in these situations.  Other situations like watching a suspenseful movie, or going on a carnival ride involve fear that is more imagined than real.  And this is the key to beginning to understand and work with fear.  As we have seen the mind doesn't distinguish between real and imagined fear, it generates the emotion in either situation.

S:  The fear that change produces may also be real or imagined.  If, for example, we're on an airplane and the captain announces a mechanical difficulty, the fear that arises may be real.  However, people who have a fear of flying experience fear even though no problem or difficulty exists.  In this case, the imagination is producing thoughts that are creating a sense of fear.  Yet, the physical reaction produced by fear is the same in both cases.  So without the knowledge of how our internal operating system is conditioned to respond--our experience of fear is the same whether it's real or imagined.

Q:  Ok, are we starting to see why it's important to understand fear?
      Let's get back to our other theme here--how fear impacts us.

S:  When we experience fear it plays a substantial role in our choice of subsequent actions.  In other words, it affects how we interact with our outer environment.  Our natural reaction to the sensation of fear is to retract or pull back.  This effect is being created by an internal operating system that is reacting to sensory perceptions of the outer environment.  In searching for a stored thought or memory as a contextual reference point our operating system is trying to imagine an outcome and may simultaneously perceive a threat.  Any threat, triggers fear like a default setting on your computer.  So any change in circumstances perceived by our internal operating system can trigger fear, and effectively curtail our ability to move forward or experiment with the new circumstances.

S:  Let's illustrate what we mean by using our airplane example from above.  When the pilot announces a mechanical difficulty the first thought that flashes through some people's mind is, "Oh my god, we're going to crash!"  This thought is brought up as a reaction to the unknown 'mechanical difficulty' and instantly generates fear.  The fear then drives our actions, in this case we could lose our ability to think rationally and remain calm, we might become hysterical, have trouble breathing, it could even trigger a reaction as serious as a heart attack.

S:  This is true for less dramatic examples of change as well.  Being confronted with any unknown can result in thoughts being recalled by our internal operating system, and some of these thoughts will likely produce fear.  So once again, fear is our internal operating system's response to anything it perceives as a threat from our surroundings.  Does that make sense?



Note to reader:  Thanks for reading!  The next segment in our series deals with 'the need to know' another of our internal operating system's programmed features...  As always, I would be delighted to have you share your comments or ask questions.

Copyright 2008.  The information here is reproduced from Everything Changes! Understanding and Dealing with the Change in our Lives.  It is provided for personal use.  I encourage you to share it with your friends.  Otherwise the material may not be reproduced, copied or used in any other way without written permission from the author, Dan Richardson.

In this segment we explore the need to know and by extension the need to be right.  Here again is an aspect of our internal operating system so close to us as to be barely noticeable.  But you don't have to look far to observe the need to know in others.  The knowingness that each of us projects is a primary contributor to providing us with a sense of personal control.  Think about people you know and the beliefs that they hold that are different from your own.  In nurturing your sense of control you have to believe that your perspective is right, but does that make the views of others wrong?  Our need to know is upset by change when the process temporarily confronts us with an unknown.  This in turn threatens our sense of control and creates the discomfort we associate with change…

The Need to Know

S:  One of the reasons we aren't constantly paralyzed by fear is our internal operating system's capacity to believe it knows, even when it doesn't.  Perhaps you've heard the saying, "Inquiring minds want to know."  We want to know because the rational mind can only act on what it knows.  We can't think about what we don't know.  This might have something to do with the opposite idea: "Ignorance is bliss."  However, the inquisitive mind begs to differ--it wants to know everything.  And is often successful in convincing itself that it does!

S:  Our need to know is a primary factor in our internal operating system's sense of control.  If we can look out on our surroundings with a feeling of knowing this helps provide us with that all-important sense of control.  And, there are other good reasons for being oriented toward knowing.  For one, it allows us to be in the world with a sense of confidence.  Without this we'd likely be afraid of our own shadow.  We'd be such neurotic messes that we couldn't function.  But, there is a problem; any strength taken to extremes becomes a weakness.

Key Concept:  Central to our being in control is the internal operating system's perception that our surroundings are familiar and known to us.

S:  With the advent of science and empiric proof we've gained a tremendous amount of knowledge about our world.  This has produced unimaginable technological advances that are unequaled in human history.  But it has also led to an exalted sense of knowing.

Q:  Do we know everything?

A:  This question is worth exploring because one of the challenges of change is it often confronts us with an unknown.  This is very unsettling to an internal operating system that  draws it's comfort from what it knows.  

Q:  What is our internal operating system's typical reaction to a change that disrupts our sense of control?

A:  Right, it produces a need to regain control.

Q:  Since a primary factor in our sense of control is what we know, how might our internal operating system use this?

A:  When our sense of control is threatened by an unknown the mind draws on its database of stored thoughts and experiences to find a known and restore its sense of control.

Example: Let's use an example to illustrate what we mean.  Imagine you're at home in bed asleep.  Suddenly you're awakened by some sort of noise.  What was it?  Your mind searches, even races for an explanation.  You feel a tinge of fear as your heart rate increases.  Did the sound come from inside or outside?  Your sense of control has been interrupted by this unknown noise.  Then you think, "Oh, it's probably the cat, he probably knocked something over."  Your sense of control is restored and you readily fall back asleep.

Q:  The question is: was it really the cat?

A:  We assume it was…until we're awakened again by yet another noise…

Q:  Do you see how our internal operating system uses a past thought or experience to fill-in the discomfort of a current unknown?

S:  What we don't realize is we do this a lot.  We call them assumptions.  Assumptions allow us to keep functioning in spite of the unknown.  The thing about assumptions is they act a lot like beliefs and are very capable of creating subsequent actions.  In our example, assuming it was the cat, allowed us to go back to sleep.  But assumptions are generally not conclusions of fact, they're more like conjecture or projections made from piecing bits of information together.  Assumptions are like opinions, they may be true for us, but they're not true for everyone, and it's always possible they're not true at all!

Q:  Have you heard the saying to 'assume' makes an ass out of u and me?  Of course, no one wants to be an ass, but do we make assumptions anyway? 

A:  Sure.  This type of assumption can be relatively inconsequential.  It's the type we might make in communicating with another person--"When you said ____, I thought you meant ___!"  But there are other kinds of assumptions that we don't even realize we've made.  We refer to these as fundamental assumptions.  This type of assumption is essentially a belief we hold and never question because it seems so fundamental to everything our senses can detect.

Example:  We assume that physical matter is solid--this desk, these chairs--when we sit on them they don't move.  Yet, this assumption is not true according to quantum physics.  When reduced to the lowest common denominator of sub-atomic particles all matter is simply waves and particles of light.

We assume that the way our internal operating system works is the only way it can function.  We assume that people don't change.  We assume that war is the only way to settle our differences.  We assume there is a God based on faith, or we assume there isn't a God for lack of empiric proof.  We assume that death is an act of finality.  But every one of these fundamental assumptions has a commonality that we never consider: the possibility that our assumption is wrong.

We assume that what we've assumed is the only way it can be.  But we never actually realize that we've made an assumption in the first place.  As the people of 500 years ago widely believed--from what their senses could detect--the world was flat! 

S:  Ok, so what's the point?  Just this, our need to know can lead to trapping us with
assumptions that may or may not be true.  When we believe that knowing is superior to grappling with the unknown, we lose the ability to grow.  We lose the ability to learn because we're too afraid to let go of what we think we know.  Why are we afraid?  Because it upsets our sense of control.  The type of education we've developed reflects our need to know and our need to be in control.  Too much emphasis is placed on answers, and not enough on questions.  The inquisitive mind is open to new information, the controlling mind can't accept there's anything it doesn't know.  The problem is we have a difficult time recognizing when we've shut off the inquisitive mind to maintain our sense of control.

S:  There's one more topic that I want to address here and that's our need to be right.  Beyond a sense of knowing lies our penchant for being right.  Remember when we said assumptions are true for us, but not necessarily true for everyone?

Q:  Why do you think we have an attachment to being right?

A:  One of the things our internal operating system does is routinely scan the environment for information that confirms our beliefs.  Some things we just accept as true, but for other things we seek additional input to validate our beliefs.  Having confirmed a belief to our satisfaction, we may express it to others.  We become attached to our belief because it's true for us.  The need to be right is simply an extension of our need to know and for maintaining our sense of control.  If others are not in agreement, it's a direct affront to our internal sense of control.  Convincing others to accept our beliefs is another way of validating those beliefs.

S:  The problem with knowing and having to be right all the time, while it gives us a sense of control, is it can't provide for other views without upsetting our control.  Think about that for a minute.  Could that be a primary source of conflict, from a global level all the way down to each of us?  Everyone is certain that they know something others don't.  What creates  conflict is the need to impress our views on others in an effort to convince ourselves that we're right!    

Q:  Well, what's wrong with having answers?

A:  Nothing!  Except, one of the common problems experienced with change is a distinct lack of answers.  In fact, this is one of the conditions that disturbs us about change.

S:  But there's another problem with our attachment to knowing, and this is really the barrier that impedes our ability to handle change as it comes along.

Q:  Does anybody know the answer?  Anybody want to take a guess?

A:  When change precipitates an unknown the conditions imply that some type of learning is required.  In order to learn anything you have to become a student.  You have to admit to yourself that you don't know the answer.  If the change contradicts your present beliefs, you have to go through an even more difficult process of 'unlearning' or suspending your present belief.  More often than not, we cling to the known--refusing to challenge our sense of knowing.  The result is often the painful experience of undergoing change as an unwilling participant.

Exercise:
How often do we think about all things we don't know?  Answers may vary, but it's likely that we spend far more time thinking about what we do know, or perhaps actively working to find answers to problems we can solve.

If we accept that our experience of change represents an opportunity for further growth and development, we might see in this context that what we don't know is actually the source of our growth and development.  In this view, it's not what we know that's important, but what we don't know.

So in this exercise I want you to take out a sheet of paper and write down five (5) things you don't know.

Now, perhaps you're wondering is this some kind of trick, after all, how can you write down things you don't know?  Right?  In the truest sense you can't.  But this also highlights our dilemma, which is a mind that is primarily focused on what it knows.

So without clarifying this any further I want you think about what you don't know and write down five things that come to mind. 

Group Discussion
Q:  Ok, what was your experience, was this easy or difficult to do?

Q:  Is someone willing to share something they don't know?  How about others?

Q:  Would it be fair to say there are lots of things we don't know?

Q:  Would it be fair to say there are probably more things we don't know, than there are things we do know?

Q:  Does not knowing any of these things make you uncomfortable?

S:  When we perceive change it's usually something that impacts us directly.  We are
confronted with an unknown and not knowing leaves us feeling like we're not in control.  We react to the situation by attempting to regain control by recalling some previously known information. This exercise was designed to remind us there are lots of things unknown to us.  That we don't have to know everything, and that it's even healthy to remember there are lots of things we don't know.  So when an unknown affects us the opportunity to grow comes not from pretending to know the outcome, but from what we learn by letting the outcome reveal itself.



Note to reader: Thanks for reading!  In our next segment we take up the last psychological barrier to change, which is the implied loss that change creates.…   As always, I'm interested in your comments or any questions you may have.

Copyright 2008.  The information here is reproduced from Everything Changes! Understanding and Dealing with the Change in our Lives.  It is provided for personal use.  I encourage you to share it with your friends.  Otherwise the material may not be reproduced, copied or used in any other way without written permission from the author, Dan Richardson.

In this our last topic in the first section of part three we're going to discuss an implication of change that you might not fully recognize.  I'm speaking about the inherent loss that comes with change.  The awareness of change heralds something new, but the new circumstance often displaces an old circumstance--something to which we'd grown accustom…something familiar.  This inherent loss is undoubtedly a factor in any resistance or disdain we might have for change.  And it also, in all probability, accounts for the transitional time period that often accompanies change, while our internal operating system makes the necessary adjustments to let go of the old and programs in the new…


Change as an Implied Loss

S:  In our final topic of this section on how our internal operating system reacts to change, we're going to discuss the experience of loss.  If we think about change as the difference between what was and what is, there is an implied loss of what was.  When we speak, for instance, of children growing up and lamenting the loss of their innocence.  We are talking about a change from what once was, to the way it is now.  Our internal operating system reacts to loss because something familiar, something we'd grown accustomed to, changed.  From our discussion a few minutes ago--we're talking about losing something known to us.  Change that is unwanted or unexpected takes away what we've come to know, what has become old and familiar, what we've accepted as tried and true.  When we perceive change the implied loss requires our internal operating system to begin a process of letting go.  But like other dimensions of our internal operating system it's a process that is often obscured from us.

S:  Renowned medical doctor and psychiatrist, Elizabeth Kubler-Ross first published the "Five Stages of Grief" in her book, On Death and Dying.  In her groundbreaking work Kubler-Ross described the stages she often witnessed in people who had been advised of their impending death.  What she described as grief was the internal operating system's reaction to the loss of one's own life.  Later in her studies Kubler-Ross would extend the stages to someone experiencing the loss of a loved one, and eventually to the experience of other losses as well.  For example, she identified the same psychological pattern, though perhaps not as pronounced, extending to the loss of a job, divorce, losing a home, and even positive changes that resulted in substantially different circumstances.

Today, her five stages of grief are widely acknowledged and accepted.  Recent research on the subject has upheld Kubler-Ross' basic theory, but has suggested that each stage may not be encountered in every case, and the order of stages can sometimes vary slightly.

Q:  Does anyone know what the five stages are?

A:  The stages are: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance.

S:  Let's briefly talk about the stages, what they mean, and how each stage relates to change.

Denial--Is the initial reaction, particularly when a change has a dramatic effect on us.  Our initial thought is I don't believe it or this can't be happening to me.

Anger--After we get over the initial shock our next reaction is an attempt to regain control.  Fueled by anger we may attempt to reverse the situation.  The anger we feel is most often directed toward other people and/or the circumstances involved.

Bargaining--When anger doesn't fix the problem, we start trying to bargain.  This is sometimes referred to as yearning.  We want something and are hoping to make some kind of deal.  A quid pro quo.

Depression--At this point our emotional responses haven't reversed the situation and our reaction is deep despair--a sense of hopelessness.  There is no return from the change.  We're stuck--there's no way to go back, but we aren't ready or don't see how to go forward.

Acceptance--This final stage marks the internal operating system reaching a point of
resolution.  We've reconciled with whatever change took place, we've accepted it and are ready to go forward.

S:  The five stages of grieving represent the natural steps undertaken by our internal operating system in processing a loss.  This process is consistent with the experience of a transitional period, one in which our internal operating system is reprogramming itself to reflect the changed conditions.

Q:  But are we likely to associate more routine changes, most of which are not life
      threatening, with the grieving process?

A:  Probably not.  Yet, we are likely to experience some of these same stages with any change that has a significant impact.  For instance, we may not even realize that part of our reaction to change is a sense of loss.  And if we look closely at the first three stages: denial, anger and bargaining, all three are forms of resistance.  This means that any change our internal operating system interprets as a loss will almost certainly trigger resistance.  Further more, changes that we have the ability to exercise some power over (ones that aren't irreversible) are not likely to make it through our own first three stages of resistance.  In other words, our internal operating system makes the choice not to reprogram itself.

Key Concept:  The experience of change often implies some type of loss.  Registering a change requires our internal operating system to make a choice, either undergo a transition during which time it reprograms itself, or go into denial and resist making any changes.

S:  The way to ease the change process is by becoming aware of our internal operating system's reactions--what thoughts and feelings are being produced?  For example, if we determine we're experiencing a sense of loss, we know we must make a choice.  Either accept the loss--allowing the internal operating system to reprogram itself.  Or try to understand why we are choosing to resist the loss.  Either position can be supported; the important point is to become aware of our choice.  Through an enhanced awareness we may choose to respond differently, and/or allow ourselves the time it takes to resolve our feelings of loss.  While this doesn't eliminate change or a sense of loss, it does allow us to work more intelligently with ourselves.



Note to reader:  Thanks for reading!  Next we begin the final leg of our journey.  In the second section of part three we'll discuss the methods and means of gaining more control over our internal operating system (IOS).  As always I'm interested in your feedback. Please feel free to share your thoughts or questions.

Copyright 2008.  The information here is reproduced from Everything Changes! Understanding and Dealing with the Change in our Lives.  It is provided for personal use.  I encourage you to share it with your friends.  Otherwise the material may not be reproduced, copied or used in any other way without written permission from the author, Dan Richardson.