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January 2009 
Everything Changes! How our IOS Functions No.12
Posted on Aug 18th, 2008
by 
dannyboy
dannyboy
The need for control is a delicate topic. Everyone needs a sense of control; in its absence our experience becomes chaotic. This fundamental assumption can be applied to individuals, organizations, nations, and civilizations. But if you had to give a gut level assessment of our living conditions today would you say things are more chaotic than ten or fifteen years ago? If you're twenty years old it may be difficult to draw a meaningful contrast between now and when you were five, but for most of us 'senior' citizens it's a no-brainer. Why? One word: change. Change naturally confronts our sense of control by imposing new or different conditions. Whether you're 20, 30 or 50 dealing more effectively with change means expanding your awareness of the internal operating system's need for control...and that's the subject for today.
The Need for Control
S: Primary to a feeling of sanity, of normalcy, of being ok, is the feeling that we're in control. This sense of health and well-being is derived from our internal operating system's assessment of sensory input.
Q: To evaluate our sense of control where do you think our internal operating system looks?
A: It looks to our external surroundings. We have a sense of being in control when our surrounding environment isn't posing any threats to us.
Q: Can you think of a reason why this would be the case?
A: Our general perception is that any threats to our health and well-being will come from something outside of us--from our surroundings.
Q: At the very beginning of the course we talked about change being perceived as something that happens to us. In terms of our need for control can you see why we think that?
A: Sure, the kind of change that we find disruptive comes from a source outside of us.
S: There's a good reason why we naturally look to our surroundings for our sense of control. It's because our senses are directed to our surroundings. When we listen aren't we usually focused on something in our external environment? When we touch something isn't it usually external to us? When we see, taste or smell aren't these sensory inputs related to our surroundings? This is why we're primarily focused externally.
Q: Are there some good reasons to be externally focused?
A: Yeah, while our ancestors had more to fear from wild animals than we do. There are still plenty of external threats to our safety. For instance, if we drive our car into oncoming traffic, or try to cross a busy street without looking, our survival can certainly be threatened.
Q: The question is can we realistically expect to always control our outer environment?
A: No, we can't. And isn't that the very problem we have with change, that it arises as an external threat and upsets our sense of control?
Q: What's the natural reaction of our internal operating system to this situation?
A: Our first reaction is attempting to regain control of the outer environment. In the case of change this can often be seen and felt as resistance. In attempting to regain a sense of control our internal operating system denies that it needs to change.
Key Concept: Our sense of control is drawn from the internal operating system's sensory evaluations of the environment around us.
Exercise:
S: We hardly think about being in control except when something unexpected happens and suddenly the circumstances leave us feeling vulnerable.
Instructions
With a partner discuss situations or circumstances you've experienced that have created a feeling of vulnerability or a lack of control. On a piece of paper record six (6) experiences.
Group Discussion
Q: What are some examples that you came up with?
Examples: Recent wildfires in southern California. Anytime we're without money, or the means of making money (a job). If we're use to having a cell phone, not having our phone might create a sense of vulnerability. Any circumstances that yield other than expected results has the potential to produce a feeling of loss of control.
Instructions
In the second part of this exercise what I want you and your partner to do is write down how you responded to each of these circumstances.
Group Discussion
Q: What was your reaction to your experiences?
Could your response be seen as attempting to regain control of your
environment?
A: Don't feel bad. At present, we aren't programmed to respond any other way.
Q: Is there a relationship between your experiences and change?
A: Isn't it possible that all of your experiences could also be viewed as change.
S: Ok, so the point of this exercise was to show us how unexpected experiences impact our sense of control. And that the conditioned response of our internal operating system is to act in a way that will regain control over the environment. Finally, since these unexpected experiences could also be seen as change it effectively demonstrates our reaction to change. Does that make sense? Are we in agreement?
Note to reader: Thanks for reading! In our next segment we're going to look at the impact that fear has anytime our sense of control is threatened... As always, I would be delighted to have you share your comments or ask any questions you may have.
Copyright 2008. The information here is reproduced from Everything Changes! Understanding and Dealing with the Change in our Lives. It is provided for personal use. You are welcome to share it with your friends. Otherwise the material may not be reproduced, copied or used in any other way without written permission from the author, Dan Richardson.
The Need for Control
S: Primary to a feeling of sanity, of normalcy, of being ok, is the feeling that we're in control. This sense of health and well-being is derived from our internal operating system's assessment of sensory input.
Q: To evaluate our sense of control where do you think our internal operating system looks?
A: It looks to our external surroundings. We have a sense of being in control when our surrounding environment isn't posing any threats to us.
Q: Can you think of a reason why this would be the case?
A: Our general perception is that any threats to our health and well-being will come from something outside of us--from our surroundings.
Q: At the very beginning of the course we talked about change being perceived as something that happens to us. In terms of our need for control can you see why we think that?
A: Sure, the kind of change that we find disruptive comes from a source outside of us.
S: There's a good reason why we naturally look to our surroundings for our sense of control. It's because our senses are directed to our surroundings. When we listen aren't we usually focused on something in our external environment? When we touch something isn't it usually external to us? When we see, taste or smell aren't these sensory inputs related to our surroundings? This is why we're primarily focused externally.
Q: Are there some good reasons to be externally focused?
A: Yeah, while our ancestors had more to fear from wild animals than we do. There are still plenty of external threats to our safety. For instance, if we drive our car into oncoming traffic, or try to cross a busy street without looking, our survival can certainly be threatened.
Q: The question is can we realistically expect to always control our outer environment?
A: No, we can't. And isn't that the very problem we have with change, that it arises as an external threat and upsets our sense of control?
Q: What's the natural reaction of our internal operating system to this situation?
A: Our first reaction is attempting to regain control of the outer environment. In the case of change this can often be seen and felt as resistance. In attempting to regain a sense of control our internal operating system denies that it needs to change.
Key Concept: Our sense of control is drawn from the internal operating system's sensory evaluations of the environment around us.
Exercise:
S: We hardly think about being in control except when something unexpected happens and suddenly the circumstances leave us feeling vulnerable.
Instructions
With a partner discuss situations or circumstances you've experienced that have created a feeling of vulnerability or a lack of control. On a piece of paper record six (6) experiences.
Group Discussion
Q: What are some examples that you came up with?
Examples: Recent wildfires in southern California. Anytime we're without money, or the means of making money (a job). If we're use to having a cell phone, not having our phone might create a sense of vulnerability. Any circumstances that yield other than expected results has the potential to produce a feeling of loss of control.
Instructions
In the second part of this exercise what I want you and your partner to do is write down how you responded to each of these circumstances.
Group Discussion
Q: What was your reaction to your experiences?
Could your response be seen as attempting to regain control of your
environment?
A: Don't feel bad. At present, we aren't programmed to respond any other way.
Q: Is there a relationship between your experiences and change?
A: Isn't it possible that all of your experiences could also be viewed as change.
S: Ok, so the point of this exercise was to show us how unexpected experiences impact our sense of control. And that the conditioned response of our internal operating system is to act in a way that will regain control over the environment. Finally, since these unexpected experiences could also be seen as change it effectively demonstrates our reaction to change. Does that make sense? Are we in agreement?
Note to reader: Thanks for reading! In our next segment we're going to look at the impact that fear has anytime our sense of control is threatened... As always, I would be delighted to have you share your comments or ask any questions you may have.
Copyright 2008. The information here is reproduced from Everything Changes! Understanding and Dealing with the Change in our Lives. It is provided for personal use. You are welcome to share it with your friends. Otherwise the material may not be reproduced, copied or used in any other way without written permission from the author, Dan Richardson.
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