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January 2009 
Everything Changes! How our IOS Functions No.14
Posted on Aug 26th, 2008
by 
dannyboy
dannyboy
In this segment we explore the need to know and by extension the need to be right. Here again is an aspect of our internal operating system so close to us as to be barely noticeable. But you don't have to look far to observe the need to know in others. The knowingness that each of us projects is a primary contributor to providing us with a sense of personal control. Think about people you know and the beliefs that they hold that are different from your own. In nurturing your sense of control you have to believe that your perspective is right, but does that make the views of others wrong? Our need to know is upset by change when the process temporarily confronts us with an unknown. This in turn threatens our sense of control and creates the discomfort we associate with change…
The Need to Know
S: One of the reasons we aren't constantly paralyzed by fear is our internal operating system's capacity to believe it knows, even when it doesn't. Perhaps you've heard the saying, "Inquiring minds want to know." We want to know because the rational mind can only act on what it knows. We can't think about what we don't know. This might have something to do with the opposite idea: "Ignorance is bliss." However, the inquisitive mind begs to differ--it wants to know everything. And is often successful in convincing itself that it does!
S: Our need to know is a primary factor in our internal operating system's sense of control. If we can look out on our surroundings with a feeling of knowing this helps provide us with that all-important sense of control. And, there are other good reasons for being oriented toward knowing. For one, it allows us to be in the world with a sense of confidence. Without this we'd likely be afraid of our own shadow. We'd be such neurotic messes that we couldn't function. But, there is a problem; any strength taken to extremes becomes a weakness.
Key Concept: Central to our being in control is the internal operating system's perception that our surroundings are familiar and known to us.
S: With the advent of science and empiric proof we've gained a tremendous amount of knowledge about our world. This has produced unimaginable technological advances that are unequaled in human history. But it has also led to an exalted sense of knowing.
Q: Do we know everything?
A: This question is worth exploring because one of the challenges of change is it often confronts us with an unknown. This is very unsettling to an internal operating system that draws it's comfort from what it knows.
Q: What is our internal operating system's typical reaction to a change that disrupts our sense of control?
A: Right, it produces a need to regain control.
Q: Since a primary factor in our sense of control is what we know, how might our internal operating system use this?
A: When our sense of control is threatened by an unknown the mind draws on its database of stored thoughts and experiences to find a known and restore its sense of control.
Example: Let's use an example to illustrate what we mean. Imagine you're at home in bed asleep. Suddenly you're awakened by some sort of noise. What was it? Your mind searches, even races for an explanation. You feel a tinge of fear as your heart rate increases. Did the sound come from inside or outside? Your sense of control has been interrupted by this unknown noise. Then you think, "Oh, it's probably the cat, he probably knocked something over." Your sense of control is restored and you readily fall back asleep.
Q: The question is: was it really the cat?
A: We assume it was…until we're awakened again by yet another noise…
Q: Do you see how our internal operating system uses a past thought or experience to fill-in the discomfort of a current unknown?
S: What we don't realize is we do this a lot. We call them assumptions. Assumptions allow us to keep functioning in spite of the unknown. The thing about assumptions is they act a lot like beliefs and are very capable of creating subsequent actions. In our example, assuming it was the cat, allowed us to go back to sleep. But assumptions are generally not conclusions of fact, they're more like conjecture or projections made from piecing bits of information together. Assumptions are like opinions, they may be true for us, but they're not true for everyone, and it's always possible they're not true at all!
Q: Have you heard the saying to 'assume' makes an ass out of u and me? Of course, no one wants to be an ass, but do we make assumptions anyway?
A: Sure. This type of assumption can be relatively inconsequential. It's the type we might make in communicating with another person--"When you said ____, I thought you meant ___!" But there are other kinds of assumptions that we don't even realize we've made. We refer to these as fundamental assumptions. This type of assumption is essentially a belief we hold and never question because it seems so fundamental to everything our senses can detect.
Example: We assume that physical matter is solid--this desk, these chairs--when we sit on them they don't move. Yet, this assumption is not true according to quantum physics. When reduced to the lowest common denominator of sub-atomic particles all matter is simply waves and particles of light.
We assume that the way our internal operating system works is the only way it can function. We assume that people don't change. We assume that war is the only way to settle our differences. We assume there is a God based on faith, or we assume there isn't a God for lack of empiric proof. We assume that death is an act of finality. But every one of these fundamental assumptions has a commonality that we never consider: the possibility that our assumption is wrong.
We assume that what we've assumed is the only way it can be. But we never actually realize that we've made an assumption in the first place. As the people of 500 years ago widely believed--from what their senses could detect--the world was flat!
S: Ok, so what's the point? Just this, our need to know can lead to trapping us with
assumptions that may or may not be true. When we believe that knowing is superior to grappling with the unknown, we lose the ability to grow. We lose the ability to learn because we're too afraid to let go of what we think we know. Why are we afraid? Because it upsets our sense of control. The type of education we've developed reflects our need to know and our need to be in control. Too much emphasis is placed on answers, and not enough on questions. The inquisitive mind is open to new information, the controlling mind can't accept there's anything it doesn't know. The problem is we have a difficult time recognizing when we've shut off the inquisitive mind to maintain our sense of control.
S: There's one more topic that I want to address here and that's our need to be right. Beyond a sense of knowing lies our penchant for being right. Remember when we said assumptions are true for us, but not necessarily true for everyone?
Q: Why do you think we have an attachment to being right?
A: One of the things our internal operating system does is routinely scan the environment for information that confirms our beliefs. Some things we just accept as true, but for other things we seek additional input to validate our beliefs. Having confirmed a belief to our satisfaction, we may express it to others. We become attached to our belief because it's true for us. The need to be right is simply an extension of our need to know and for maintaining our sense of control. If others are not in agreement, it's a direct affront to our internal sense of control. Convincing others to accept our beliefs is another way of validating those beliefs.
S: The problem with knowing and having to be right all the time, while it gives us a sense of control, is it can't provide for other views without upsetting our control. Think about that for a minute. Could that be a primary source of conflict, from a global level all the way down to each of us? Everyone is certain that they know something others don't. What creates conflict is the need to impress our views on others in an effort to convince ourselves that we're right!
Q: Well, what's wrong with having answers?
A: Nothing! Except, one of the common problems experienced with change is a distinct lack of answers. In fact, this is one of the conditions that disturbs us about change.
S: But there's another problem with our attachment to knowing, and this is really the barrier that impedes our ability to handle change as it comes along.
Q: Does anybody know the answer? Anybody want to take a guess?
A: When change precipitates an unknown the conditions imply that some type of learning is required. In order to learn anything you have to become a student. You have to admit to yourself that you don't know the answer. If the change contradicts your present beliefs, you have to go through an even more difficult process of 'unlearning' or suspending your present belief. More often than not, we cling to the known--refusing to challenge our sense of knowing. The result is often the painful experience of undergoing change as an unwilling participant.
Exercise:
How often do we think about all things we don't know? Answers may vary, but it's likely that we spend far more time thinking about what we do know, or perhaps actively working to find answers to problems we can solve.
If we accept that our experience of change represents an opportunity for further growth and development, we might see in this context that what we don't know is actually the source of our growth and development. In this view, it's not what we know that's important, but what we don't know.
So in this exercise I want you to take out a sheet of paper and write down five (5) things you don't know.
Now, perhaps you're wondering is this some kind of trick, after all, how can you write down things you don't know? Right? In the truest sense you can't. But this also highlights our dilemma, which is a mind that is primarily focused on what it knows.
So without clarifying this any further I want you think about what you don't know and write down five things that come to mind.
Group Discussion
Q: Ok, what was your experience, was this easy or difficult to do?
Q: Is someone willing to share something they don't know? How about others?
Q: Would it be fair to say there are lots of things we don't know?
Q: Would it be fair to say there are probably more things we don't know, than there are things we do know?
Q: Does not knowing any of these things make you uncomfortable?
S: When we perceive change it's usually something that impacts us directly. We are
confronted with an unknown and not knowing leaves us feeling like we're not in control. We react to the situation by attempting to regain control by recalling some previously known information. This exercise was designed to remind us there are lots of things unknown to us. That we don't have to know everything, and that it's even healthy to remember there are lots of things we don't know. So when an unknown affects us the opportunity to grow comes not from pretending to know the outcome, but from what we learn by letting the outcome reveal itself.
Note to reader: Thanks for reading! In our next segment we take up the last psychological barrier to change, which is the implied loss that change creates.… As always, I'm interested in your comments or any questions you may have.
Copyright 2008. The information here is reproduced from Everything Changes! Understanding and Dealing with the Change in our Lives. It is provided for personal use. I encourage you to share it with your friends. Otherwise the material may not be reproduced, copied or used in any other way without written permission from the author, Dan Richardson.
The Need to Know
S: One of the reasons we aren't constantly paralyzed by fear is our internal operating system's capacity to believe it knows, even when it doesn't. Perhaps you've heard the saying, "Inquiring minds want to know." We want to know because the rational mind can only act on what it knows. We can't think about what we don't know. This might have something to do with the opposite idea: "Ignorance is bliss." However, the inquisitive mind begs to differ--it wants to know everything. And is often successful in convincing itself that it does!
S: Our need to know is a primary factor in our internal operating system's sense of control. If we can look out on our surroundings with a feeling of knowing this helps provide us with that all-important sense of control. And, there are other good reasons for being oriented toward knowing. For one, it allows us to be in the world with a sense of confidence. Without this we'd likely be afraid of our own shadow. We'd be such neurotic messes that we couldn't function. But, there is a problem; any strength taken to extremes becomes a weakness.
Key Concept: Central to our being in control is the internal operating system's perception that our surroundings are familiar and known to us.
S: With the advent of science and empiric proof we've gained a tremendous amount of knowledge about our world. This has produced unimaginable technological advances that are unequaled in human history. But it has also led to an exalted sense of knowing.
Q: Do we know everything?
A: This question is worth exploring because one of the challenges of change is it often confronts us with an unknown. This is very unsettling to an internal operating system that draws it's comfort from what it knows.
Q: What is our internal operating system's typical reaction to a change that disrupts our sense of control?
A: Right, it produces a need to regain control.
Q: Since a primary factor in our sense of control is what we know, how might our internal operating system use this?
A: When our sense of control is threatened by an unknown the mind draws on its database of stored thoughts and experiences to find a known and restore its sense of control.
Example: Let's use an example to illustrate what we mean. Imagine you're at home in bed asleep. Suddenly you're awakened by some sort of noise. What was it? Your mind searches, even races for an explanation. You feel a tinge of fear as your heart rate increases. Did the sound come from inside or outside? Your sense of control has been interrupted by this unknown noise. Then you think, "Oh, it's probably the cat, he probably knocked something over." Your sense of control is restored and you readily fall back asleep.
Q: The question is: was it really the cat?
A: We assume it was…until we're awakened again by yet another noise…
Q: Do you see how our internal operating system uses a past thought or experience to fill-in the discomfort of a current unknown?
S: What we don't realize is we do this a lot. We call them assumptions. Assumptions allow us to keep functioning in spite of the unknown. The thing about assumptions is they act a lot like beliefs and are very capable of creating subsequent actions. In our example, assuming it was the cat, allowed us to go back to sleep. But assumptions are generally not conclusions of fact, they're more like conjecture or projections made from piecing bits of information together. Assumptions are like opinions, they may be true for us, but they're not true for everyone, and it's always possible they're not true at all!
Q: Have you heard the saying to 'assume' makes an ass out of u and me? Of course, no one wants to be an ass, but do we make assumptions anyway?
A: Sure. This type of assumption can be relatively inconsequential. It's the type we might make in communicating with another person--"When you said ____, I thought you meant ___!" But there are other kinds of assumptions that we don't even realize we've made. We refer to these as fundamental assumptions. This type of assumption is essentially a belief we hold and never question because it seems so fundamental to everything our senses can detect.
Example: We assume that physical matter is solid--this desk, these chairs--when we sit on them they don't move. Yet, this assumption is not true according to quantum physics. When reduced to the lowest common denominator of sub-atomic particles all matter is simply waves and particles of light.
We assume that the way our internal operating system works is the only way it can function. We assume that people don't change. We assume that war is the only way to settle our differences. We assume there is a God based on faith, or we assume there isn't a God for lack of empiric proof. We assume that death is an act of finality. But every one of these fundamental assumptions has a commonality that we never consider: the possibility that our assumption is wrong.
We assume that what we've assumed is the only way it can be. But we never actually realize that we've made an assumption in the first place. As the people of 500 years ago widely believed--from what their senses could detect--the world was flat!
S: Ok, so what's the point? Just this, our need to know can lead to trapping us with
assumptions that may or may not be true. When we believe that knowing is superior to grappling with the unknown, we lose the ability to grow. We lose the ability to learn because we're too afraid to let go of what we think we know. Why are we afraid? Because it upsets our sense of control. The type of education we've developed reflects our need to know and our need to be in control. Too much emphasis is placed on answers, and not enough on questions. The inquisitive mind is open to new information, the controlling mind can't accept there's anything it doesn't know. The problem is we have a difficult time recognizing when we've shut off the inquisitive mind to maintain our sense of control.
S: There's one more topic that I want to address here and that's our need to be right. Beyond a sense of knowing lies our penchant for being right. Remember when we said assumptions are true for us, but not necessarily true for everyone?
Q: Why do you think we have an attachment to being right?
A: One of the things our internal operating system does is routinely scan the environment for information that confirms our beliefs. Some things we just accept as true, but for other things we seek additional input to validate our beliefs. Having confirmed a belief to our satisfaction, we may express it to others. We become attached to our belief because it's true for us. The need to be right is simply an extension of our need to know and for maintaining our sense of control. If others are not in agreement, it's a direct affront to our internal sense of control. Convincing others to accept our beliefs is another way of validating those beliefs.
S: The problem with knowing and having to be right all the time, while it gives us a sense of control, is it can't provide for other views without upsetting our control. Think about that for a minute. Could that be a primary source of conflict, from a global level all the way down to each of us? Everyone is certain that they know something others don't. What creates conflict is the need to impress our views on others in an effort to convince ourselves that we're right!
Q: Well, what's wrong with having answers?
A: Nothing! Except, one of the common problems experienced with change is a distinct lack of answers. In fact, this is one of the conditions that disturbs us about change.
S: But there's another problem with our attachment to knowing, and this is really the barrier that impedes our ability to handle change as it comes along.
Q: Does anybody know the answer? Anybody want to take a guess?
A: When change precipitates an unknown the conditions imply that some type of learning is required. In order to learn anything you have to become a student. You have to admit to yourself that you don't know the answer. If the change contradicts your present beliefs, you have to go through an even more difficult process of 'unlearning' or suspending your present belief. More often than not, we cling to the known--refusing to challenge our sense of knowing. The result is often the painful experience of undergoing change as an unwilling participant.
Exercise:
How often do we think about all things we don't know? Answers may vary, but it's likely that we spend far more time thinking about what we do know, or perhaps actively working to find answers to problems we can solve.
If we accept that our experience of change represents an opportunity for further growth and development, we might see in this context that what we don't know is actually the source of our growth and development. In this view, it's not what we know that's important, but what we don't know.
So in this exercise I want you to take out a sheet of paper and write down five (5) things you don't know.
Now, perhaps you're wondering is this some kind of trick, after all, how can you write down things you don't know? Right? In the truest sense you can't. But this also highlights our dilemma, which is a mind that is primarily focused on what it knows.
So without clarifying this any further I want you think about what you don't know and write down five things that come to mind.
Group Discussion
Q: Ok, what was your experience, was this easy or difficult to do?
Q: Is someone willing to share something they don't know? How about others?
Q: Would it be fair to say there are lots of things we don't know?
Q: Would it be fair to say there are probably more things we don't know, than there are things we do know?
Q: Does not knowing any of these things make you uncomfortable?
S: When we perceive change it's usually something that impacts us directly. We are
confronted with an unknown and not knowing leaves us feeling like we're not in control. We react to the situation by attempting to regain control by recalling some previously known information. This exercise was designed to remind us there are lots of things unknown to us. That we don't have to know everything, and that it's even healthy to remember there are lots of things we don't know. So when an unknown affects us the opportunity to grow comes not from pretending to know the outcome, but from what we learn by letting the outcome reveal itself.
Note to reader: Thanks for reading! In our next segment we take up the last psychological barrier to change, which is the implied loss that change creates.… As always, I'm interested in your comments or any questions you may have.
Copyright 2008. The information here is reproduced from Everything Changes! Understanding and Dealing with the Change in our Lives. It is provided for personal use. I encourage you to share it with your friends. Otherwise the material may not be reproduced, copied or used in any other way without written permission from the author, Dan Richardson.
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